Amsterdam massage: saying yes, slower or stop in simple words

The five words

Yes means this is good, continue. Slower means the same, but with less speed. Softer means the same, but with less pressure. Pause means wait a moment, then we continue. Stop means stop now. These five words are enough for almost every visit. They are short, they sound different from each other, and they are hard to confuse, even when the room is quiet and the voice is low. Learn them before the visit if they are new to you. They are the same for both of you.

Stop means stop, at once, for both sides

When either person says stop, everything stops. Not in a moment, not after this part: at once. There is no need to explain why, and no need to say sorry. After stop, there is a short pause, and then the person who said stop decides what happens next: continue, change something, or end the visit. This works the same way for the guest and for the therapist. If she says stop, you stop. If you say stop, she stops. It is the one rule that has no exceptions.

Her limits come first

Before the massage starts, the therapist tells you her limits. These are the things she includes and the things she does not. She says them in her own words, and she may show them with her hands. They stay the same for the whole visit, and they are not a starting point for discussion. If you ask for something outside them, the answer is no, and that no is final. If a limit is pushed after she has said it, the visit ends at that moment, and the price of the booked time is still due. The terms say this formally.

Slower, softer and firmer: comfort words

Not every word is about stopping. Most words during a visit are about comfort. Slower and softer are the ones you will hear again and again. Firmer is the opposite of softer and means more pressure. Warmer and colder are about the room. None of these words interrupts the massage. She hears the word, changes the pace or the pressure, and continues. A nod, or yes, tells her it is better now. You can use these words as often as you want, and so can she. Nobody gets tired of hearing them.

Yes, okay and good

In a quiet room, a small yes goes a long way. When she changes something and asks is this okay?, a yes, a nod or a thumb up is a full answer. Some guests say nothing at all, and she has to guess. It is easier for both of you if you answer. Okay and good mean the same as yes here. If you are not sure, say not sure, or use pause, and think for a moment. There is no wrong answer except silence when a question was asked.

Changing your mind is allowed

You may change your mind during a visit, and that is fine. You can say stop and end the session early, at any point, without explaining. The booked time stays paid, because it was held for you and she travelled to you, but nothing more is asked. You can also change your mind the other way: after a pause, you can say okay, continue. Her limits do not move with your mind, and they do not need to. She may change her own mind as well, and end the visit if she chooses. Both are normal, and neither needs a long sentence.

Consent during an Amsterdam massage, without long sentences

Consent means that both people agree, freely, to what is happening, and can change their minds at any time. In a long conversation, consent can get lost in the words. In a short one, it is often clearer. A clear yes, a clear no, and a clear stop cannot be misunderstood in any language. That is why this page uses so few words. The therapist decides what her session includes, and you decide whether you want it. Both of you can say pause or stop at any moment, and both are respected every time.

Signs for the same words

Words can be joined by signs, or replaced by them if the voice is low. A flat hand raised means stop. A hand moving slowly downward means slower or softer. A thumb up means yes or good. A finger held up means pause, one moment. If she uses a sign, answer it the same way you would answer the word. If you use a sign and she does not react, say the word too. When the room is dark or the eyes are closed, words are safer than signs.

Age, and the others in the room

Everyone in the room must be twenty-one or over: the guest, the therapist, and anyone else present. At the door she may ask to see a photo document, look at it once and give it back. Everyone present must agree to being there. A person who has not agreed to the booking cannot be in the room during the visit. These rules come before any word on this page, and the age page explains them in full.

Practise the words before she arrives

If English is not your first language, say the five words out loud once before the visit: yes, slower, softer, pause, stop. It sounds simple, and it is, but a word that has been said once is easier to say again when you need it. You can also write them on a piece of paper and put it by the bed. Some guests do this, and it helps. If you would like to read more before you book, the questions page answers other doubts in the same short style.